I think I feel embarrassed about living in my white culture, not because I'm making up problems that don't exist, but because I feel guilty about the part of my existence that is influenced by racism. . I thought that if I came from a more liberal space – if my parents, my siblings, my family and my friends didn't engage in microaggressions – then that would reduce my participation in and benefit from the systematic racism of this country, maybe it would help me come to terms with the fact that I could never have been Eric Garner, Trayvon Martin, or Sandra Bland. The cops inevitably trust me. I can do most things without suspicion. But I realize that this is not and will never be true – no matter who I am friends with. I guess I have to fully accept that my white culture will always be informed by racism, that I am inherently racist, and that this guilt I feel is part of my privilege. I have the privilege of feeling guilty about everything I have, about how my society values ​​my life over POC, while for POC it is always obvious even when they are young. For POC, microaggressions and systemic racism are still a force in their lives; they always know it's there. I have the privilege of not only feeling bad for not experiencing these things, but also for not even having to see them. I don't know what to do with this guilt; I just know that I finally realized where it is