With my fingers intertwined, they turned a dreadful white as I fell to my knees before the altar. I was gasping for air as my chest tightened with the need for oxygen from my persistent sobbing. The sounds of worship echoed around my vulnerable state, but my thoughts were focused solely on His presence. Memories of the past flashed through my mind like pages of a book, and as I flipped through the pages, sorrow and remorse tormented my broken faith. As I hung my head in shame and swallowed up my vision in the twilight, I silently choked, "I am so sorry... "I have been nothing but dishonest to you, Lord..." I said with a shudder as my mental being finally began to collapse, almost unable to hold back my harsh screams. “I could have done more for you…I know that now. I don’t deserve your endless love and forgiveness, God… “I have devoted my whole life to you, Lord, but I have turned my back on you. My harsh words that showed the doubt I had in your presence were nothing but lies. Even before this retreat that I participated in against my will, the little glimmer of faith in my heart had almost lost its spark,” I moaned softly, tasting the salty, metallic tang of blood in my mouth as I bit down. the language to defend myself. a new, fresh wave of tears. My legs continued to grow numb from my current sitting position, and I bitterly viewed this as punishment for my disloyalty. The melody of the Gospel was now a muffled murmur, and the faithful around me gradually obtained a form identical to mine. The sanctuary was filled with whispers of prayer and the lights were dimmed to focus on the scene. It felt like I was alone with God now, having my own conversation with Him. I tensed as one hand gently caressed my shoulder, the other carefully placed a... middle of paper...... passion to pass on his word to those who suffer, just like me. As the retreat drew to a close, I returned home baptized into a new life led by God. I was no longer embarrassed by the Lord, because I knew and believed that He was truly real and all-powerful. With my renewed loyalty, I worshiped him closely wherever I went. As the seasons changed and the degrees passed, I happily accepted the opportunity to spend my time in the Philippines and further develop my devotion to God. I beamed from the back of the small, cramped church as I watched the young and old new followers of Christ listen intently to the sermon. I quietly walked out and sat on a nearby bench, folding my hands carefully in my lap. “Thank you, Lord,” I said, looking up at the clear, blue sky, “for giving me this opportunity. Thank you for giving me a chance to serve you.”