Things don't add up. It also sounds a bit on the nose. On page 40, Adam Glass also seems contrived, summarizing the information: "Let's start with what we all know!" » His voice is also obscure and sounds unnatural. On page 44, Marcus tends to repeat information that the audience already knows. The overall tension could be more compelling with a stronger, more effective structure in which Marcus is more proactive in trying to find King and save the hostages. For the moment, the tension is not very strong. Strengthen the sense of urgency. Maybe King kills a hostage, raising the stakes. The pilot is formatted into different acts. Make sure each one ends on a high note and that the tension builds as the plot progresses. The formula of the series is clear. Marcus will find King. There are minor typos: the name Jasmine is used twice (a waitress and FBI agent Jasmine Li.) The word elderly is misspelled (scene 11). There is no need to provide scene numbers if this is a spec script. The first act should actually start on another