However, to this day it still seems unreal. Almost as if the fact that I don't blame him directly invalidates his death. My aunt's death was intentional and avoidable, and in her death, I lost my cousin as well. I don't know how to define it anymore. Is he still my cousin? Is this my aunt's murderer? The fact that I can't define it as both bothers me. However, I realize that this is how I digested his horrible death and my cousin's crime. Not to mention, with his death, I realized that grief is much more complex than I initially thought. I could never relate to the stages of grief because I felt like it oversimplified the grieving process. Above all, it left no room for regression. Looking back, I remember feeling guilty because I felt like I was grieving for my aunt wrongly because I only cried for her after she was taken off life support. Additionally, I attended his funeral, but I did not visit the casket and I did not attend his burial. I thought that attending these screenings was the step to say goodbye. However, recently I realized that I was regressing in my grief and disconnecting again from this loss as if it had just happened. So, mourning is more complex than saying goodbye, it is a