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  • Essay / Suffering, loneliness and the struggle for identity

    There is nothing more central to the human experience than the search for identity, no cause greater than the search for self, neither hunger nor peace. The fundamental desire of every human being is acceptance: love. Because of this desire, the search for true identity is often characterized by a series of varied facades; a reshaping of one's inner perception with the change in social trends. Although the true nature of identity lies well within the confines of the human body, many interrogate these foreign sources in an attempt to create their identity, usually far removed from what lies within. This reliance on foreign influences to shape one's perception of one's identity creates a crucial impasse in the simultaneous search for acceptance. How then, with the constant presence of external factors and pressures, can one realize, to the fullest extent, the nature of one's true identity? *** Damn, the cover is pulled again! Awakened by the persistent, biting wind, I readjust the thin space blanket and gently rest my head on my makeshift pillow; two fist-sized stones and some socks. Sleep is hard to come by tonight. After wandering for hours in the darkness, guided only by our fading headlights and our failing instincts, we were forced to bivouac at an altitude of 9,000 feet; exposed and vulnerable. Somewhere between sleep and consciousness, my eyes scan the ridgeline for a sign of a trail, I lose hope; there is no moon tonight. Thomas moves; I'm sure he suffers in much the same way as I do. Jon shivers audibly and constantly; I should be worried about his pre-hypothermic state but I'm too tired to think about it. Tonight is suffering.***Suffering is perhaps one of the most cautious aspects of the search for identity. A... middle of paper... led me, and tonight, more than ever, the reason is as clear as crystal. I seek to find peace in the midst of anguish, suffering and pain; beyond which lies a true sense of humility, a confrontation between the meager human and the brute force of Mother Nature. With light, a departure from suffering, at least for the moment, and a clear vision of the path. Jon stirs first; he was the one who suffered the most; left exposed and cold. Thomas and I wake up shortly after, pressed by his impatience. As the sun's rays begin to break through the horizon, we are already preparing to move. Never before has the sunrise brought such joy, this morning I feel more grateful for this daily event than I ever have before, or hope to be anytime soon. Secure in the integrity of my identity and what I perceive to be, I find the reality of the day.